Hi Anita

Thanks for your advice. I do feel like I haven’t been able to see any changes in our relationship because I haven’t made changes from my end. I’ve listed thing after thing wrong with my boyfriend and have snapped when I haven’t seen the results I have sought. I have spoken to my boyfriend and we’re both planning to make more of an effort to work on how we communicate with each other. He has said he is aware that he is rude to me and will work on this.

What im planning to do is have a period of 6/8 weeks where I am making active changes from my end and instead of snapping at every little thing, and threatening to leave, I’ll try to be calmer. If by the end of this period I feel that he is still being rude to me and treating me in a way I don’t like, then I will end the relationship. From my perspective I understand that the constant threat of me breaking up with him has made him colder and less trusting towards me (hence the rudeness) and I have allowed this to continue with my cycle of abuse and breaking up with him. If I can have a prolonged period where I’m taking positive steps from my end, and the problems persist, I will feel more comfortable about walking away as I know I would have tried my best to fix things.

Thanks so much for your response Eliana. I agree with you fully he doesn’t deserve it. I do feel like I need to love myself more and not seek his validation so much but sometimes he can be so rejecting and I really struggle…

anita – jokes will be something like, if we go out to eat and I start eating first he will say something like “gosh calm down it’s not going anywhere” or recently there was a video of me dancing, and he said “you actually look like you dance in that video, for once in your life” ….. stuff like that just riles me!