I am also going through this and it is very confusing. I hurt everyday to not have my friend and lover and I get that I have to go through it all but I have yet to find someone in a such a similar situation and would love to be able to talk to someone about it. If anyone happens upon this and is going through very similar curcumstances and wants to talk message me on reddit (i am not sure how to PM on here) my userid is u/Tots0059.