apologies for the double post.. the first didn’t show up for me right away 🙂

Kelly, thank you for what you wrote. I am very angry with him. Villian/victim… well, it is here that I’m tempted to launch into “you have no idea, he did this and he did that… stonewalling, cheating, etc ” but I’m the one who’s stayed in it and am responsible for my actions and choices. I’m really glad I included the letter because the outside perspectives are the only feedback I’ve gotten. And I will read what you wrote again when time permits later today. Thank you so much for the objective, honest perspective.

tinywanderlust, to answer your question about the guilt thing.. I haven’t really felt guilty until today. After having mulled everything over and over in my mind since the letter I sent, I came to feeling guilty today just because I’d written it. Like, if I hadn’t have written it, he wouldn’t feel the need to run to another woman for comfort because I wasn’t being supportive enough. It’s BS I know. Rationality and the heart seem to be in conflict, though.

To e.buddha and tinywanderlust, I, too, am sitting here crying my eyes out. I moved into my own place Oct 1st 2013 after only having lived with him for 6 months (over 3 yrs together, though). Our relationship, which was always rocky, just imploded. I couldn’t do anything right, etc. So I found an apt very close to his house with the rationalization that we could save the relationship if I wasn’t under the same roof.. no crumbs found on the counter for him to gripe about. That was the understanding but once I moved out he simply dropped all contact. I had to figure out and decode the message “I’m not good enough”. It’s rejection. Even though every one of my friends and family said I “deserved better” etc. And here I was being dumped. So I was on my own for 3 months. Christmas Eve I found myself alone and reached out to him to see if he wanted to see a movie. Ok, so I didn’t make it through Christmas. We sort of got back together. Whole pattern started again. It hurts so much. I wrote him a letter because he so obviously resents me. With any letter I used to write his response was “blah blah blah” even though nothing in the letters was accusatory. Anyway, here is the letter I wrote him last Thursday. His response follows and that was the last I heard from him. He’s not talking to me now. He’s punishing me.
My letter to him:

You mock me. The other night when you asked me to meet you for a drink I came in and said hi and you mocked me. Why? Because I’m “stiff” you replied. Actually I’m quite pliant and flexible and way too fucking accommodating with you. You are the one who is arthritic and stuck, doggedly set in your insecurities and anger.
And I mirror you? I’m my own person with real feelings, original thoughts, drive, and creativity. You may be apathetic to all of that and so be it, but you won’t ever find me making fun of you or parodying you, to your face or in a bitch session with one of my friends deconstructing your personality. Because the origins of that kind of cruel mockery are rooted in resentment that I simply don’t have for you. You do for me, though, and it’s not good for your health.
Since you’re so smart you probably already know this but I’ll shine a light on it anyway: Resentment doesn’t hurt the person being resented, aside from their acute suffering in an unhealthy relationship not understanding what the fuck they did that was so wrong. Resentment hurts the one resenting. You’re well on your way to a heart attack with the kind of stress you generate for yourself. And you take your stress out on the nearest person, me, in spades. Stop it! Get counseling.
Heart disease.stiffening of the arteries, a cascade of triggers from accumulated stress. It’s not me you’re describing. Your disrespectful judgments and sullen withdrawals are abusive tactics that you use over and over again. They only work to keep you emotionally stuck, whether with me or with someone else down the road.
his reply: I’m afraid u are absolutely correct. I am killing myself with stress. And I am compounding it with you. I will try a different approach.

This is the last I’ve heard except one big hint that he ran into the arms of another woman this past Sat night (a “friend” who still sees his charm and soulfulness, minus all the bad stuff)
So here I sit feeling emotionally devastated. But that’s why I’m on this site, too. I can’t go on like this.