Thanks Eliana. It is hard to explain. Some weeks the relationship is the best ever and I think I want her to move in with me fully. Then other times i am like i dont want this, i couldnt be bothered with it all and it gets me Down. I  can feel myself getting excited about doing things together and then i get all like.i don’t want this. To me it seems stupid and is hard to explain.

If I had no feelings for my gf or we did not get on would be a different issue but we have been together just under 2 years and it scares me how my feelings go like this.

Thanks VJ for that message I did read it before. I am just scared how my positivity towards the relationship keeps being stopped apart. We chatted a short time ago and as we chatted i fepy warmth towards her  but then almost the minute she was away i felt that voice inside pushing my emotions away from happiness.  I just cant seem to stop these obsessive negative thoughts that are clearly trying to destroy something which is great. It is hard to just acknowledge the thoughts and push them to one side as they are so strong.

That sounds so similar to me Dani. At times it is like my head is really messing with me. When we chat about these low.times where I am.attacking my feelings my gf is amazing about it and wants to help me. She loves me a lot and at times I wonder why she doesn’ see this as a major alarm bell in our relationship.  It is  the fact that these feelings of just end it are so strong and they happen regularly even when  I feel so close to her it is like a switch is flicked at the inner voice is saying some nasty things like end it you don’ want this. It takes so much effort to push awqy thqt negativity.

We are to go away in a few days together and I can picture us having a great time away but I know this will be determined by what my head is saying. I can’t seem to just focus on the here and now.

It really scares me how I am putting myself under so much pressure but as you said if we split I may be free from all this pressure but I could end up losing out on being with someone who I have so much in common with and we get on so well.

Tha is for replies Eliana. Yea i have the best girlfriend ever who knows about my feelings and anxiousness. Many would leave a relationship like that but she sticks by me all the time. At times the relationship is amazing and have so much fun but currently there is something eating away at me telling me.its not what I want and she is not the one but then is times feel very close to her.

I had a great childhood.and great family life. With my last gf I felt the same as do.now. one minute all felt amazing and then few days later I wanted to escape from it all. That shows me it is commitment issues and whoever i am with il go this way so less about her and more about me.

I do want to sort this as at times I have like.sickness feeling in stomach and feel my head pushing me to end things but I don’t as she is so good for me.and I feel I don’t appreciate what I have.

At times it scares me too as we have beem together almost 2 years which is a really long time and if I didn’ have feelings for her we would not be together after this period of time.