Thanks Maitri2all for taking the time to respond.
First of all congratulations on the sobriety!
One nail you hit on the head is that I don’t love myself and am constantly pushing for perfection in my actions which is unattainable. I am trying to learn to lower that bar and to give myself some room to not be perfect yet still be happy with my actions. Also it is foreign to me to think in terms “If I had truly loved myself” as I never equate the word love with myself. A great story as well. Finally, do you have any sites where I can learn more about the concept of mindfulness?
I appreciate your thoughts.
Ed