The Ruminant, I did not take your post as abrupt. I agree, if I want to get myself out of this rut, I have to work at it; there is no magic formula. I am tired and I am full of contradicting thoughts and feelings. I liked what Natasha said about “…I was an adult who met the challenges of life with survival skills learned as a child”. That is true. My childhood was hard (I guess most people’s are) and I did not develop healthy coping skills or even learn to identify with my emotions. I kept everything suppressed so that on the outside everything looked fine. Not too happy and not too sad; No big emotions; No sharing of thoughts or feelings. I basically existed by being invisible. And I carried a lot of that into my adulthood. As a result, I have lived with depression throughout my almost 50 years of life. I don’t want to continue to feel empty, I want a lasting loving relationship, and I want to help others. Now I have to figure out what emotions are and how I can be comfortable with them. That takes work. And I am frustrated with my continual self-sabotage. I must suck it up and make it work if I truly want those things.