fbpx
Menu

Y.J.

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #124434
    Y.J.
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice. She and her cousin/my good friend aren’t that close. I mean, they are family and growing up, they were oil and vinegar, complete opposites. Yet, I’ve observed that the older we get, the closer my so-called friend wants to be to her cousin and other family members (even though she has continued to speak negatively of her and her other family members, which I have chalked up to her negativity wiring, the main reason I’m now avoiding her). In the end, my good friend/her cousin, has a decent handle on her family members and her cousin and she’s a very conscientious, deeply loving person. I doubt that she would allow herself to get caught up in anything negative her cousin has to say about me. As a matter of fact, she would most likely come to me with anything negative said about me by her cousin. That is how I ended up confronting my so-called friend shortly after my wedding. I was willing to not say anything and let go of how inappropriate and lame she had been during my wedding as my matron of dishonor until I heard the things she was saying about me. She talked so much shit about me after my wedding to anyone who would listen that her cousin/my good friend defended me and then let me know what was being said. That should’ve been my red flag right there about my so-called friend’s apparent insecurity and jealousy issues. Nevertheless, yes, I will exercise discretion with my good friend as I will not to speak against her cousin/my so-called friend. However, if confronted with anything her cousin/my so-called friend expresses to her about me, I will not get into detail with specific reasons as to why I’ve walked away from the friendship between me and her cousin. I will simply state that I just can’t have my energy negatively drained anymore. It was exhausting, frustrating and gave me severe anxiety in the end and that’s that. My good friend is sensible enough to know how her cousin can be. And I am too. I’m not saying that my so-called friend is a bad person. She’s not. She’s just not being honest with herself and therefore hasn’t been honest with anyone else, especially me. She doesn’t understand other people’s boundaries and how her actions in crossing those boundaries affects people. And when she’s hurt or something is compromised or changed in her life, she reacts like a wounded animal, biting the hand that tries to offer assistance. I can no longer give her what she wants or needs and it’s not my job to do that. She needs to find her own happiness and I truly hope that someday she does. I release her with love and fond memories.

    #123919
    Y.J.
    Participant

    I suppose the reason why I have such a hard time letting her go is because of how long I’ve known her. I feel a sense of loyalty and responsibility for her. That and her cousin, who introduced us all of those years ago, is also my good friend, a honest and true friend. We all three grew up together, we know each other’s family and well, we’re like family. But I’m starting to realize that I don’t need to be her friend in order to be her cousin’s friend and that I’m not responsible for her or her happiness. I have no idea why my mind is addicted to the chaos she brings into my life. It’s not as though it’s fun, there’s no rush to it. It was more like a misery loves company scenario. My venting about my issues and her feeding of that negativity, offering her own brand of negativity proved to be a very unhealthy exercise in confiding in a friend. But then if I spoke of my life in positive terms or my fitness and overall health progression, instead of saying encouraging things like, “that’s great, you look great, you seem healthier,” she would constantly one up me or shift the conversation back to her and her health. It’s like this irritating competitive sister relationship more than the chaos and negativity that I mentioned above. Chaos is a word that my therapist used to describe how the mind, my mind anyway, is addicted to it.

    I just know that I’m tired of the drama, tired of feeling so sick about this situation with her and I’m just plain tired of her. And no, I have no other friend like her. This past year, I somehow got myself caught up in her and her crap and I allowed her to much access into my world. Now, I’m just working on removing her from my life so that I can fully focus on my family, my marriage and my own emotional and mental health.

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)