Yes. My mum tells me that I take good care of her. She reciprocates the same love or more when I visit her.

LOL.
I read the thread after posting here. Just wanted to check to how I felt last year.
I am just waiting to let go off this feeling.
My mothers brain is chaotic just like mine. She overthinks everything. I want to be there for in her old age to support her emotionally.
I wish I had the strength to deal with it.

Sometimes when we miss the simplicity of childhood, it’s not just the comfort we miss—it’s how light things felt. No heavy thoughts. No pressure. Just being.
This is so true. I always feel nostalgic to how I felt. I had more unstable childhood but still never left anxious my future. I have everything right now but still feel anxious. I slept peacefully during my childhood.

I dont know Anita.
I felt the same way when I visited india last year.I wish I could visit my parents whenever I want.
The friendship break up I had with my best friend last year has really made think there is nobody close to me in US except my husband.
I have been in US for the past 9 years. I never had any best friend for the first few years and i never felt like going back to India.
In 2023 when we had a discussion with my husband i told him i dont want to go back because there would be no privacy if i live with my in laws.
May be because of anxiety , I am feeling more lonly here I guess.In india it feels less lonely as you are surrounded people.May be thats the reason why I want to go back I guess.
My parents are getting older too.My siblings wont be able to take care of them.
I hate this anxiety i wish i could live howver I want.
I am also comparing myself with my neighbor who has lot of friends.Its really bothering that I just have 2 friends that too not too close.I have my husband who is my best friend.Then i have my work colleagues whom I talk to everyday which helps me to have a good social interaction.
Even if I go back to India.I will have my set of struggles to deal with.
Living with in laws, dealing with toxic work culture, traffic, no proper parks/ infrastructure.
The only advantage is living close to family.

I really had great time in India. This time I didnt experience anxiety at all LOL. I mean I did experience twice but I was able to regulate. My little one had a great time too. My husband and I had a staycation without my little one. Overall, the experience was good.
Now back to grind :(. I miss my family and feel like moving back to India.

Thanks for your reply Anita!

You are right I am having a hard time regulating my emotions but I am trying my best. I am trying my best to pause before I react angrily.

I even brought a book which talks about all the feelings/emotions last week. She keeps reading only one book.

I already told her these books will help our family to regulate our emotions.

I expect perfection from her and its hard to accept her imperfections I guess.

She lacks respect towards us.

Thanks for your encouragement Anita. I started walking since last week but then I stopped as my periods started.
I am trying my best. My little one is giving me a tough time. I remember I told you the same thing during last year at this same time. Its been overwhelming and i couldnt stop crying since yesterday night.
She’s becoming extremely stubborn day by day. I am trying best not to angry or yell at her.
She goes to bed by 8.30-9pm but doesnt wake up in the morning. Its a struggle. Most of the days she throws a fit.
No matter how much we do its never enough for her. She keeps saying mean things like we are not fun or boring.
My daughter is obsessed with my neighbors daughter lets call her T . I hate it. I kept my ego aside and I am still maintaning friendly relationship with my neighbor for the sake of my daughter. Like I said before, since last year my neighbor became extremely busy with her other set of friends. She used to say no when we used to invite her when we went out. My daughter used to tell me that I am lying all the time and other mean things.
During Ramadan, we didnt go out much as my husband was fasting. I took her to carnival/fair last Saturday and we had great time.
We came back home tired then she started asking about T. I told her they went to egg hunt. She started crying saying mean things like you are guys are not fun I wish I had gone to egg hunt with T blah blah and I told her politely not to say mean things when you are upset. Then I sent her to Ts house inspite of saying no as they had friends coming over to thier house. But still she went and had played with her for 7 hrs. I told her to come home and then she started throwing a fit and gave me an attitude. She did the same thing when I sent her to the Ts house last week. She came home and started crying and yelling. I got frustrated and yelled too because she did the same thing last week. I gave her a consequence this time that she is not allowed to go to Ts house for atleast a month which she agreed to.
She behaved nicely after then it lasted till Monday.
Since my blood sugar was elevated and doctor advised me for exercise. I have been asking my husband to accompany me for walking starting this week.
My neighbors also go for walk in the evening. Since she stays home and doesn’t work. She cooks early and they finish the dinner by 7.30.They invited us to join for walk on Monday at 7.30. I didnt eat my dinner but still tagged along my husband and kiddo but i came back very tired as I didnt eat my dinner early.
Yesterday I told my husband that we will go for at 8pm after finishing dinner. He agreed to it. As i go to office everyday and come back at 5. I relax for one hour. But since I thought of going out for walk , I started cooking at 5.30 and i was able to finish cooking by 7.30. So, i thought we will eat and go for walk at 8pm. In the mean while my neighbor called us they are going for a walk when my husband and daughter were in car. My husband called me I said we cant go at 7.30 but will go by 8.Then my little one starts throwing a fit again that she wants to go walk with T.My husband asked if its doable at at 8pm. They said no as T bath time is 8-9pm. I wish they could give bath to her before 8pm. My neighbor is pretty adamant when it comes these things related to hygiene. My little one refused to go on a walk and we stayed home. I felt bad we cant we do simple things because of her. she has a say in everything we do and I hate it. Even going to restaurant is big struggle she likes the bland food we like indian food.
It makes me feel like I lost my freedom and sometimes its hard for me.
She damages things and splashes water all around the countertops.
We do listen to her and buy what she wants and I expect her to listen to me. We both are emotionally available to her. She disobeys all the time and I am getting frustrated/angry.
May be I am not capable enough for parenting because of my childhood trauma.

Thank you Anita! You look beautiful 💙