Hi Aislynn,
I used to be the same. I felt like it should relax me, but in reality it made me stressed out because I wasn’t as flexible as the teacher, my balance was off, some poses really made my muscles burn (which made me want to stop) and my mind was rushing – figuring out how to do all those things AND focus on this present moment seemed ridiculous.
These days I practice both meditation and yoga, and my meditation practice has really helped my yoga practice in so many ways. I now see the movements as flowing with my breath and use my breath as an anchor into this present moment. I also use yoga to teach me patience and self-love and acceptance of my body – it can’t do all the amazing poses, but that’s okay. I’ve stopped pressuring myself to go so far with each pose that it’s uncomfortable, which helps me to learn patience and to drop the perfectionism. And of course, the breathing and mindfulness helps throughout the day because I’m much calmer and am reminded that the only moment we have is now. In saying that, I don’t think even the most practiced yogis are in the moment the entire practice (or day). Even Buddhist monks who’ve been practicing meditation for years say of course they get thoughts, the idea isn’t to get rid of the thoughts, it’s to watch them and let them pass without being dragged down the road by them!Now in my practice, when I remember to focus on my breath I do, but if I don’t it’s no big deal. I also have days where silencing the mind seems impossible, and days where it’s simple as anything.. and I guess that’s helped me to learn that everything is cyclical, everything is changing, nothing is the same and to let go of attachment.
So for me, all those things you mentioned that I also struggled with, those are the lessons. Those are the reasons we practice yoga. Because we all struggle with self-criticism and frustration, and loud thoughts in our head. Yoga helps to practice dealing with those.
Another tip is to try different yoga types! There’s so many a few are hatha, ashtanga, vinyasa, yin, iyengar, bikram, (and now power yoga, but IMO that’s more of a western ‘exercise’ type yoga, whereas real yoga is a philosophy and not intended as exercise for the body (more for the mind)). I love yin once a week because it’s so meditative (but not too good for me to do all the time as I get too loose in particular joints), I also love hatha as it’s more slow, but some mornings I feel like ashtanga or vinyasa as they’re a bit faster. Also try different teachers, or if you just youtube it like I do now, search around or even try a class in real life.
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