Hi Jeff. I had two children with my loyal husband, ages 2 and the other 2 months old at the time. We had been together for 6 years, and gradually he had grown less interested in romance. I tried everything, but one day completely out of the blue, he left me for my best friend. Just up and moved. The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. He turned so pale, looking like he honestly thought I’d never find out at all. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy.

I was trying for medical school, and my grades were pristine. Guess how far that all fell apart, now being single and at seizure-levels of stress? “Emotional purgatory” and indeed more complex and torturous than can be placed into words. I’d gone to the extremes of thinking about stepping out the back door of life, missing the two people that mattered most, but God will never give you more than you can handle. Always a way out.

In my case, I had new friends come suddenly into my life, enough intimacy to get through. I had to realize WHY he wanted out and forgive him to move on. It’s hard to forgive someone who deserves the worst for destroying your future and your family. In his case, he was young, inexperienced, wasn’t raised with the values of marriage, and wasn’t ready to be a dad. He bolted. He wanted change, but instead of fixing the problems, he tried the “easy way out.” It was against my religion, but I had no choice.

Moving On:
*Embrace the Initial Pros: Sad because one side of the bed is empty? Sleep in the #%(^ing middle. Your bed now. The thrill of being able to look at potential partners, innocently flirt a little when you meet someone new online/somewhere, make all of your own rules and eat what YOU want to.

*Focus on rebuilding connections ASAP. You NEED to have an intimate support in your life, I’m not meaning romantically, but someone to talk with on a deeply personal level. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. Making a habit of going out of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on.

*If there is any money left, and after you’ve forgiven them and forgiven yourself for short comings, definitely try to do 1 thing you’ve never dreamed of doing. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. I learned a language and met some of the coolest friends. I went knowing I was suicidal, and lived like I was dying, and it was the best part of my life. Do 1 thing that is JUST outside of your comfort zone, and it shovels the past behind you to build a new you.

*You are continuous and undying. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. Isn’t that the sh*t? But damn if you can’t make your own meaning out of it. It hurts now, to be forced to fill the separation and see more than a bland life thrown at you without choice, but YOU can fill that hole with something new. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of life’s pleasures.

*Love. Your son, any pets, and yourself. Build on yourself, learn all you can, and eventually you will love again when you are ready. It is an opportunity.

If you have no one and just want to vent, please send me a message and I will listen to all you want to say on skype.