She often keeps talking through the door. Dad advises me to just keep quiet in that situation and usually she stops after five minutes or so. 😛 Of course these incidents are rare now. It happened yesterday because I hadn’t washed, eaten or done anything except lying locked up in my room, not studying at all. I will surely keep your advise in mind in case it happens again. But I was just sad to see that despite all my practice, my patience crumbled again due to depression and I lost my temper. If/when I am blessed to be with Jerry again, I do not wish this to happen again at any cost. I want to keep up the practice of assertiveness and being calm until I can finally weed out this inner ugliness and get victory over my negative qualities, for her.

I couldn’t help but smile reading your second paragraph. My immediate thought was a “NO!”… that’s due to my present lack of confidence. But if I make something out of my life and work on eliminating my negativity, and becoming a good and self-sufficient man… then yes, I could hopefully muster the courage to do it for her. But that is nothing but a mere fantasy as of now. The grim reality is that I hurt her, she is upset regarding my behaviour and feelings and not talking to me since nearly three weeks now. The very essential thing I’m praying for right now is being back on speaking terms with her first. And then, with my newfound determination to change myself, rebuild our relation/friendship. Everything else comes much later.