Dear Ravi:

Your father, as you indicated yourself, is passive with the two strong, dominant, aggressive and unreasonable women in his life. Please do not follow his advice that you too be like him, passive and letting them run your life.

Regarding you losing your temper with your mother and grandmother, as long as you don’t do anything violent, illegal or clearly abusive with (anyone), it is perfectly okay and recommended (by me) that you do express anger toward them. Notice this: Jerry and others did not mistreat you when they defended the Veteran personality, but you got very angry with them as if they mistreated you. On the other hand, your mother and grandmother did mistreat you, so expressing your anger toward them is natural, understandable and justified.

Not all expressions of your anger are “inner ugliness”- only expressions of anger that are violent and clearly abusive. And only expressions of anger toward people who did not mistreat you. When you express your anger at people (who did and do mistreat you) by raising your voice some, by the tone of your voice, by your facial expressions becoming a certain way, etc., all that is only human, needed, useful, natural and must be.

From reading your last paragraph, I see that my idea was not completely unreasonable, about you approaching Jerry’s father (and you do have his address since you sent her gifts and you indicated you know where she/ he lives0

Good, I like it then. Notice this: re-read what I wrote on this very post. It is very important for your very goal of getting back with Jerry and materializing your love for her beyond online communication:

It is a worthy goal, to materialize your love for Jerry. Why not aim at it? No matter how far it seems now, what a fantasy it looks like now, why not aim at it?

Asserting yourself and taking charge of your life is most important, the most important thing you can do so to increase your chances of marrying Jerry (yes, marrying Jerry, why not aim at that?)

Please, in that aim, understand that your mother and grandmother, the two women who have mistreated you all these years in different ways, that they deserve your anger. If you deny this, you will not succeed in managing your anger.

Always remember: nothing violent and clearly abusive, but your anger is your salvation. It is not to be suffocated like a beast. Directed at the right people legally… and that is where your salvation is. Remember the valid messages behind emotions? The message behind your out of control anger with other people, is that you need to assert yourself against the two women who have been harming you all along.

Once you do that, well… we can talk later about you approaching her father. It can be done.

anita