Dear Ravi:

It is possible for you, under the best case scenario, you wrote, to be a medical doctor at 34, is that so, MD is what you are aiming at?

You wrote that your anger is like spreading insecticides in a field killing the insects and the crops. I am not aware of you being adequately assertive with your mother and grandmother (the insects in your analogy).

I thought about you approaching Jerry’s father because if you in potential, get him on your side, that will open the door for you with Jerry because her father must have a lot of power in her mind and life (assuming her father is the dominant parent in her case). Not that he should pressure her to marry you but only, if he liked you, to make it okay for her to allow you and her to acknowledge loving feelings for each other beyond the sister/ brother concept.

This is a very theoretical image I have of a meeting you would have with her father (certain details not considered yet):

You: “My name is Ravi. I very much appreciate you agreeing to meet me and it is a great honor for me. I will get straight to the point: I love your daughter more than anything. I am willing to live and die for her. She is the light of my life. I am not yet worthy to ask for her hand in marriage. I am intending to make myself worthy to be her husband in any and every way.

I wanted to introduce myself to you so to make my intentions clear to you, as you are most esteemed and respected by your daughter. And if you have ten minutes now, or at any time of your choosing, I would very much like to talk with you, to ask for your advice about the best ways I can become worthy of your daughter.”

Then, if he agrees and give you more time then or at another time, you will tell him about the status of your education, how many years it would take… all the truth and nothing but the truth. Then you will tell him about your anger problem. You will ask his advice and guidance, listen respectfully… and follow through. Once in a while you meet with him to discuss your progress.

What do you think, Ravi? This is an imaginary scenario but a possibility, maybe. Such an approach can very much endear you to a father because of your honesty, and over time, if you do follow through and work hard, taking in his advice, and his guidance, he would feel invested in you and motivated to see his return on investment.

Yes, far fetched etc. And I am assuming her father is a reasonable, decent person, of course. I also like the idea of a reasonable wiser adult guiding you since unfortunately, you have no such adult in your home (which is why I already suggested you take charge, that of the four: mother, father, grandmother and you, it is YOU with best capabilities to make good choices for yourself).

Thoughts?

anita