No no Anita, that isn’t correct. I’m sorry, I guess I expressed myself poorly. I did not mean to say that she told her family everything or that her father threatened to call the police. All that is merely guesswork from my side, what might happen if they find out. Her family is decent, sweet and wonderful and so is she. I mean anyone’s family will feel that I’m a bad and hurtful person if they see my bad words without knowing the entire context, that’s what I mean. She has nothing to do with this. Of course she did not tell anyone, not even our closest friends about how much I hurt her. In fact when asked, she always speaks highest praise for me, that’s what everyone said. They’re genuinely in admiration of the bond both of us share, they had very little idea of the fights we had until I confessed to a few of them. In fact even after this recent fight, she told nobody about the bad words I said to her, she only said that she’s upset due to the fact that she considered me a brother and I developed these feelings for her.

And most definitely she does not have any ill or resentful feelings towards me. In fact she has every right to, but she doesn’t. She always speaks well of me, still prays for my good health and studies, I know that. She never once brought up the issue of our past fights despite having every opportunity, always insisting that she knows I’m a good person and we should forget the past and focus on maintaining our bond. I know that cutting off contact after knowing my feelings is kind of an overreaction, but we should look from her perspective too. She’s always been a very shy and introverted girl who never liked interacting with boys, I was an exception as we slowly developed a very close bond and she felt I’ll always love her as an elder brother. Naturally she felt betrayed that the one boy she loved so much platonically, developed the very kind of feelings she dreads as she dislikes romantic relations and all in general. I empathize with her and I wish I had revealed my feelings more tactfully, instead of this disastrous manner.

I don’t want to sound dramatic, I know I’m inexperienced but I know I’ll never feel the way I do for her, for anyone else. She has my loyalty and my love forever, she’s the one I wish to be with from my heart. That still comes much later; first, I want to make up for hurting her and reunite with her at least as friends first.

Yes, I know these wrong teachings at my home of avoiding self-blame and criticism are what could be causing this problem. I dunno how to root it out now, though I am accepting my fault wherever I must.