Thanks again Anita. Addressing these issues separately…

1. I definitely am interested, yes. I chose this career of my own accord but everything I had to endure for the past years, has soured my motivation to pursue it. But then, the biology field in India doesn’t offer any more strong careers as of now. They’re not really worth it considering my age and lack of time. I do need to study hard to solve this once and for all.

2. I know. I can accept it being a temporary break. But the fear of losing her keeps haunting me day and night. Her memories torture me all the time. My guilt at hurting her kills me. I am only surviving by keeping my faith in our bond alive in my heart like a Patronus (in Harry Potter terms). I know that even if she contacts me right now, I’ve not yet changed myself and it just isn’t right for me to be with her until I do.

3. I can deal with that at least at the present. As long as I’m seen sitting with a mountain of books, and offer a long grocery list of all the topics I prepared that day, my parents are satisfied. I can keep that up until exams and then work out the issues we are concerned about. Problem is, my depression won’t let me study and me sitting like a zombie in my room is attracting concern.