Hi Anita –

I apologize for the slow reaponse.

It is silly that I am embarrassed about that – my mother has always raised me to be strong, so when I in a weak position I tend to feel embarrassed.

Yes, my heart has been recovering and for about the past 3 years I am been symptom free! Yay!

Exactly, I totally understand what you are talking about. For awhile there I created chaos in my own mind just because functioning in a calm environment was something I was not used to. I have slowly embraced the calmness.

That makes sense. I tend to see the world through excessively sympathetic eyes. My thought process is that everyone has there own experience and trials in this life…so is my pain really pain, or is it a different way we are experiencing the same situation. After all, I do believe deeply rooted in people is goodness, it’s just the effects that life has had and their own perception that vastly differs. Additionally, I go back to that strength thing I said above – I almost feel that my pain is not valid, that I am seeing things wrong.

What now? I don’t know. I usually just go on working on myself and expanding my horizons. However, I can stand the thought of him coming back around in 6 months. I want peace, I want to move on. But knowing there’s a possiblity that there’s a guy I still miss who will come lurking out of the shadows…it doesn’t allow me to focus on my life without him in a clear conscious. Nothing he’s done was unforgivable, but the way he handles it, makes it to where I’m left with the question “how could I forgive you, you don’t give me the opportunity to?”