Dear JVR:

This is my input after re-reading most of your earlier posts and the most recent one:

No wonder you are confused. And there is a way out of the confusion with time and work.

Your identity formed as a result and during the interactions with your primary caretakers, primarily your father. It is true for every child. A child does not develop mentally in a vacuum but as a direct result of interactions with the most important person or people in his life: parent/s.

Your identity, being submissive, developed as an automatic reaction to your father’s identity as the dictator, the domineering one. The two identities, that of your father and your own were not separate when you were a child and unfortunately, they are still not separate.

To separate your identity from your father’s, to become your own person, to see yourself as you are, you have to see him, your father as he really is. Your way out of your confusion is to separate the identities, to see him as he is. As he was.

You and him are like two pieces in a puzzle that fit: dominating and dominated. The fitting has to be dissolved.

You wrote in your original post: “this parental love from my parents were very brutal to an extent”- you called your father’s behavior toward you “love”- that is the thing you need to look better at, to see As Is. Was it love?

I will stop here so to give you time to read (re-read?) and respond. Was what your father expressed to you “parental love”?

anita