Dear sona:

We are all “relationship people” because we are born social animals, so by design we are relationship people.

If you discuss your feelings toward your therapist with him, you should as a result of exploring those feelings with him, understand that it is natural to get attached to another. From our very beginning we got attached to our main caretaker. Animals do it. I see fawns following their mothers deer into the forest. They follow because they are motivated to follow by their attachment to the mother. It is as natural as nature is. And if you have romantic, even sexual dreams or daydreams about your therapist, that is natural too.

The therapist should help you understand that it is natural and that he accepts your feelings while he keeps his relationship with you professional (not physically intimate in any way, no words of affection not appropriate to a professional therapeutic context…)

Then if you were to attempt an intimate relationship in your private life, he could help you with it, step by step.

Once you develop an intimate relationship outside, sure, you will feel less attached to your therapist.

Did I answer your question? Please let me know, ask again in a different way, until we understand each other.

About your fears of starting an intimate relationship… this is it: if you and your therapist talked about your attachment feelings for him, if he shared things about himself with you (as is appropriate)- you would be taking the first steps with him in developing an intimate relationship with a man. That way, you would have a good experience to give you confidence with starting an intimate relationship outside therapy.

anita