Hi All,

As I read some of these posts, I can’t help but want to share what ended up working for me in getting out of my toxic relationship.

The final straw for me came when we both went to a therapist together, and he became verbally abusive IN therapy. The therapist finally asked me, “What do you really feel you’re getting from this relationship? What value is he actually adding to your life? How is he actually making your life better?” The answers were that I was getting nothing, he wasn’t adding value and he wasn’t making my life better.

After I finally left the relationship, I spent time working on healing myself. I continued to see a therapist on my own. I read more books than I can recall. I nourished my friendships and my relationship with my family. I focused on me and the things that mattered to me. I wrote positive words of affirmations to remind myself the important things my toxic partner tried to deplete my mind of. I made a vision board of what I really wanted in a partner and I got REALLY specific about it. I wrote a letter to myself a year out, thinking about all of the things I wanted to accomplish in the year.

I am happy to say that I’ve spent almost two years now in a happy, healthy relationship with a man I love more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He treats me with respect. He communicated effectively. He supports me. He never brings me down. We are so deeply connected and we are true equals. We have a deep passion and shared interests and work together to keep our relationship strong and healthy. He is everything that I wanted and needed in a partner.

When I looked at both my vision board and my letter- everything I wanted on the board and in the letter, I had found in him.

Here’s some of the things I did/read that really helped. I hope it helps all of you who need it, too:

-CUT OFF ALL CONTACT and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT respond or reach out anymore. The only person you hurt is you.

-Read the book, “Attached”. I learned a lot about attachment styles and attachment theory. Many of us who end up in emotionally abusive relationships have an attachment style called, “Preoccupied/Anxious” and are usually drawn to another attachment style called, “Avoidant”. In many cases, narcissists are avoidants. This kind of person you must stay far away from. They don’t change. Repeat after me: THEY DO NOT CHANGE.

-Research a therapy called, “EMDR”. It’s a highly intensive therapy designed for victims of trauma. Do not for a second think that being in an emotionally abusive relationship isn’t a trauma. Plus, chances are, there’s a lingering trauma you may not have dealt with that lead you down the path of being in a relationship like this. Look into EMDR, find a therapist and if you can’t afford one, read the books on EMDR.

-Spend time along thinking about the life you want. Don’t hold back. Don’t be afraid to desire greatness for yourself.

-There’s another book called, “You Are a Bad Ass”. I didn’t read this at the time, but I’ve read it since and I recommend it for everyone, in general.

-Learn to love yourself. Going back to these awful people, is not loving yourself. Staying away and getting healthy IS.

Good luck!

xoxo