Thanks Anita. Yes, self-control and patience during these times is the hardest to practice. If I had done it long back, I feel much of this situation could’ve been easily avoided. It’s something I truly am determined to develop now, for her. At least I can see some progress, even if its slow. I hope I can keep it up. Good thing is I have an exam on Sunday and as a result of the preparation, I don’t really have time and thought to give to my anger and frustration. Managed to keep that inner voice at bay whenever it tried to rear its green-eyed head again. Bet it’s not happy.

The only thing I can do about the fear is to sincerely wish from my heart. I can study well, I can do good enough to qualify my exams, I can work hard to overcome my inner demons, I can eliminate my negative qualities and become a better person, I can do my best to repent for my deeds and prove myself worthy of being with her… those are things in my power. But reuniting with my Jerry isn’t. If my love for her is genuine and I have always loved and cared for her from the bottom of my heart, and my present efforts are sincere, then I wish I am reunited with her. I don’t feel I can do anything else.