Dear Nan:

I think I have a better understanding of you now than before.

The “dragon” and the “storm” you are expecting if and when you leave R-2 have been there in-between-your-ears every time you contemplate the Move. You think about it and there’s the dragon spitting fire and the storm already happening. In your brain.

The hardship you expect to happen has been happening all these years. And you let the dragon and the storm keep you in your place, submissive, self denying, sacrificing.

I think it is a good plan to wait till work is not so busy.

It is this weekend then, the physical get together with R-1… the adultery, the sin…

I feel uncomfortable using these words, adultery and sin. In Bridges of Madison County, that … adultery was portrayed as a lovely thing and I watched the movie repeatedly, not experiencing that … adultery as anything but a love story.

In real life though, you can’t undo all that you were trained to believe and you get to decide, as an adult, what of those Do and Do-Not you keep and what you want to go through the trouble of abandoning.

It is better, in my mind, that you leave R-2 than you stay with R-2 while being also with R-1. I wouldn’t feel right at all, in my own mind, to be physically intimate )”skin to skin” as you wrote, with two men: R-2 before the weekend, then R-1 during the weekend and then back with R-2.

Somehow, with all that heavy Catholic upbringing, it became relatively okay or acceptable for you to do the above than to leave R-2.

Which makes me go back to fear. It is the fear of consequences that drives you, not the ethics of it.

Until your next post, take good care of yourself:

anita