Hi Trevor,

Although certain therapies do look at parent-child relationships as a way to explain current feelings etc, I´m not sure it is useful at all to spend too much time thinking about it. Even if you do come up with a rational explanation for your feelings, it won´t actually change anything. All the real answers are in yourself, that´s what I´ve found, and it can take years to find those answers, but if you don´t start looking then you won´t find them. I can tell you it´s more than worth it to look, you just have to be patient and persistent.

I think many men can probably relate to you to some degree. Younger Women tend to be more fun and carefree which is very attractive. But, don´t be saddened, there are more mature women who still carry that youthful zest, they are just rarer. The thing is these younger women would likely not really satisfy you once you really got to know them because of the maturity gap, i.e. lacking substance maybe.

The other thing I´ve noticed in myself and others is that our first proper romantic experience can leave in it´s wake a whole load of attachment. You may find that you are drawn to a woman who looks similar (body/face/race/age). At some level you have it in your system that this sort of woman would satisfy you. It´s nothing to be guilty at all about. It´s perfectly natural to develop strong attachment in this area. I´m afraid that most people (e.g. parents) don´t understand themselves well enough and the nature of the mind to empathise or give good advice.

The only way from my experience to free yourself from this sort of thing is to go after what you want. Go and date a woman a few years younger than you, there´s nothing wrong with that. Once you get it you´ll realise it´s no big deal. In fact, your desire for a relationship will not even be satisfied by having a relationship. That´s the way of all external desires. You desire it, then get it, then realise you´re still not really satisfied. Then you desire the next thing. But until you come to really know that, you have to keep chasing the desires, it´s not enough to just believe this though. The way to free yourself from any desire is to see that it will not actually satisfy you, but you have to see it very clearly indeed/have experienced it, you can´t pretend. Desire is an incredible illusion that promises satisfaction, but it´s a false promise.

All the best,

Ben.