Hi again Anita,

I glade too that I posted here, and I have to thank Lori for that, she was the one who directed me here, again thank you Lori 🙂

The name of this post I drove from one quote I read and am bad with names so I do not remember who said it, he said if you want to know how hard is it to change some one, just try to change one thing in your self and I sore this open minding and yet Channing quote, he is stating the fact and daring you to try it, and in that sense if every one living just changed one bad thing he thinks of him self, what an amazing world we will be living in, and again he is Telly you by exercise that you can not change other people and you have to accept them the way you are, I read it years ago, and it still blows my mind till now!

It is hard because it is hard to change any thing you get used me, do you know how many times I have tried to quit smoking, and till now am still failing, I guess the abuse had nothing to do with that, I started smoking at 22. The the high ten dance for substance abuse I had with alcohols and hash was decently from my child abuse, and I could easily quit just whenever I wanted, I have not drink alcohol for 2years now, and I have been quoting hash for a week now, and dos not judge me, I used to smoke only hash mixed cigarets for a year now, and I just woke up one day, I do not wanna do it any more, what can you say about that? I guess the human mind is not that easy to understand!

Again, as an I tail part of a healing process, one has to stop seeing him/her self as a victim, but to be proud of being a survivor, I sometimes think how amazing I am when I think of the all the suffering I have endured and am still her safe and sound, I have surly thought plenty of hurting my self, but I have never attempted to do so!

You can say it that I consider more than unjust to pass the violence to others, but am still proud that I can just count the events of acting violent by one hand, if I have not witnes it before it could have been much worse.

But I actually was wondering her what would drive someone to accept that violence, and not react to get relive from justice and live with that pain, when I talked about these two kids, we were apron the same age, so why did the fear me or fear to ask for justice. I guess I would feel better if I was punished in specifically these two events!

I admire you mentioning your sufferings and dealing with them, keep it up 😉

I guess I will make a habit from it, posting here!

Cya,