Hi Gigi,
I can’t say I know how you feel, as we all have our different experiences. However, I do know what it is like to feel unloved and abused by a parental figure. I’ve spent most of my life not loving myself. The destructive choices that I have made as a result of that, have colored my life in a way that I could and did feel ashamed of for many years. I wish I could reach through this computer and put my arms around you and let you know what a beautiful person you are. What is so empowering to know, is that when someone mistreats us, it has everything to do with them. It is not to say that we do not own our own behavior, however, it is to say, that each person chooses how they will treat others. Today, when people mistreat me, I realize it is coming from a place within them, where they are hurting. HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE. I love myself today in a way I never thought possible, after much re-parenting and lots of soul searching. It has radically changed my life. I have started a health and healing center for women. My primary focus is on helping women learn to love themselves. When we learn to love ourselves it radically changes our lives. Your mother sounds wounded to her core. People can’t give away what they don’t have. You needed and still need the love of your mother and for whatever reason(s) she is unable to give that to you.
That is not a reflection of your beauty and worth, it is a reflection of how she feels about herself. I could go on and on as to all the reasons people hurt each other. I just want to leave you with this……
You are a beautiful creation, forever changing. Be true to yourself and restore you inner peace. Know that you can become what you choose and that you have a purpose. You are the only you there is and you are pure love, light and innocence. We are all blank canvasses when we are born and we are born pure love and innocence. Unfortunately, we all have had people write on our canvasses with untruths about who we are. Know that your mother was lied to too and she is operating our of her own pain. Your mother’s real core, believe it or not, is pure love, light and innocence. I prayer that you find healing and love for yourself, because you are worthy of being loved, we all are.

Ruthie