Dear unworthy:

It is a good idea to protect your daughter from atmosphere of conflict and distress, so spending time with your boyfriend when she visits her father is a good idea.

I would say tell him that Couple Therapy is the only hope your relationship has. Have a few sessions with a competent therapist. In those sessions the therapist should focus on Interpersonal Skills to be learned by the two of you and practiced during the session and in between sessions. Those interpersonal skills are like rules-of-interaction, how to talk to each other, always remembering EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect.

Before anything, interpersonal skills.

Before and in addition, if you haven’t so far, maybe you can get a book on interpersonal skills and the two of you can read and practice.

You and him have been lost for a long time. You found meaning in your therapy, and he got something out of his therapy before being lost again. The two of you together have enough experience in therapy to help each other with the guidance of the couple therapist. The therapist should jump start the two of you on the path of a Win-Win relationship.

So I would say Stay until a few sessions into the couple therapy (with a competent therapist). If he does not cooperate with the therapist and does not do the homework given, the practice of the skills, then Go. If he tries hard, and so do you, the Stay.

Some regression in therapy, in healing is unavoidable but should not be a complete regression, a step backward, a few forward.

When are you thinking of starting the couple therapy?

anita