Hello, thankyou for taking the time to respond to me, it has really helped already just being able to type it all out to try and get some clarity into how I am feeling. Both responses have been insightful.
Anita-I have read your replies to many others on here and I have found the advice you have given very solid, trusting and very inspiring especially as you have shared at times and been so open about your personal life and seem very dedicated on the road to self acceptance.
In answer to your question, I am actually starting the therapy tomorrow although we were doing it last year for about four months. I am really hoping this time it will help us both and we feel more positive about each other, I told him it was our only hope today but he said he would speak to me properly tomorrow. As I have decided to only spend time with him when my daughter isn’t around, it has and will take the pressure off me as there were so many times it was so stressful keeping them both happy, I was always worrying if daughter was feeling ignored (which many times she was which upset both of us) this is one of the reasons I get so frustrated as I say to him so many times that he needs to give her more attention, show interest and to listen more but he just cant seem to do it so I feel I have to do it all. It feels like I am not being honest with her though as I told her at the time it was over between us (not expecting my feelings would change).
We are both reading the The Five Love Languages (well I am and I hope he is) by Gary Chapman as my therapist recommended it and I have read online its very useful for couples experiencing communication difficulties. I will just focus my efforts on interpersonal skills and I remember early signs of this being a problem when we got back together. When we were younger, his personality in my mind looking back seemed very different to who he is today, when I was trying to be myself he becomes paranoid and finds it really hard to relax if there is no talking, I am a quiet person by nature and told him this many times, maybe too quiet due to growing up with little attention so it is very familiar and comfortable for me so trying to find a middle ground is challenging. I feel a lot of the time as I relate to him, the way I did as a child, ignored and there to please. I don’t do so much of the pleasing now, no where near as much as I used to which is why it flowed so well initially and without realising I got fed up with feeling like the same frustrated and lonely girl I always was. I have felt loved by him and he was so kind and caring but he said because I have hurt him so much (rejecting him and saying mean words in anger) that he finds it hard to give me what I need. We both realise that trust is what is missing and it would be a miracle if I could trust him especially when it comes to other woman.

Inky- I guess unworthy was a good fit for me but days like today when I am feeling better I think I am being to hard on myself but my the message I hear in my head when I am hurt and sad is ‘I don’t deserve this’ but I want to feel like I am good enough but when I start comparing myself to others or find it uncomfortable letting people get close to me it confirms my belief. My anxiety shows me up with people and I feel shame because of it. I know what you mean about being a grown up, again this is why I have been so frustrated as I feel like a mother to him, totally not living up to my expectations and so different to how I thought he was before. (He would say the same about me most likely) Your right though parenting is always top priority and I will have to forgive myself for letting this slide.