Dear jcat,

Please please please BLOCK ALL his texts and phone calls. It’s best you extend that NO CONTACT RULE FOREVER and also STOP LOOKING AT HIS SOCIAL MEDIA. It clearly hurts you whenever you have any type of contact with him (includes looking at his social media) so why do it? In time, the pain will be nothing and you will see that he wasn’t right for you.

You say he smokes weed and gets drunk almost every week with his friends…looks way too thin…looks almost out of control, and “off” appearance about him…broke up with you 3 days after getting back from cruise trip together after being together for over 5 years…he said you two could be friends but he’s dating someone else…he was high on weed daily during your cruise…changed his profile pic after he said he wouldn’t change it when he was with you, etc. This is the person that you miss and love. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of him.

As for all your questions, WHO THE HELL CARES if he still thinks of you or if he regrets what he did or if his new romance will last or if it’s only a rebound thing. You will only drive yourself insane trying to answer all these questions. Also, in a lot of cases, a person usually “checks out” of the relationship way before the relationship ends so he may have checked out way before your cruise but didn’t have the courage to say something until after the cruise.

Take control and shift the focus onto yourself. You deserve to be happy. Granted you two have been together for over 5 years so you can’t just forget everything. Just remember you can’t make someone love you, like you or want to be with you.

Picture this…imagine you’re on a small island and he’s standing in front of you. Tell him how much he’s hurt you. You can yell, cry and shout but don’t assault him. Then say goodbye. Thank him for the time you two shared and wish him the best. You can say it however you want. Then get into your canoe and row safely back to land.

Take good care of yourself and love yourself. Many blessings to you!