Dear Anita,

Firstly, I had been writing and rewriting this another message to you for more than 2 hours, regarding the events of my day and how I reflected upon them. It was very long and unclear, but it is now very clear to me, and somehow motivated me to keep a journal.

Second, Thank you for that good additions above, I really do realize that now, I just had not been that honest towards myself then. I wrote that when I was being hypocrite and in denial as I told you before.
Somehow puting it like that and me being drown off by it, made me realize how much I have not been righteous to myself. I felt like sharing it, and naming it “thoughts of a hypocrite mind” energized me to decide to finish it, in a good and understandable manner just to define that state of hypocrisy and denial.

Third, I have this great fealing about the need to share my fight against abuse, I feel compelled towards my sisters and nices, I feel compelled towards my friends and my community. I cannot count to you how many times I saw an action of abuse, saw it in someone’s eye, especially a kid, feeling it in his/her way of expressing him/her self, adults who have tendency to be abuser as a reflection of them being abused, the action of abuse towards me, all that just in one day.
I do not see these actions or reflections as triggers any more, I see them as being a wrong states and that I have to correct them, and I have did, more than once today. I have felt more easy talking to other about abuse, I felt more easy in ragards of expressing myself, and more important I felt needed!

Fourth, I see my long journey of healing before me and am not scared of it, it just started, and realize the effort to be spent to reach it, it is huge, but yet I feel very confident about it.

Fifth, I just have to go to sleep so I can be able to wakeup tomorrow to continue, to keep doing what ever is giving me that feeling of fulfillment.

Sixth, I will talk to you about my reflection of thoughts regrading your last post on the topic “how does your mind work?” Tomorrow, and still waiting for your reflection of thoughts regarding my last post on topic “how hard it is?”

Goodnight, Xaas,