Anita,

I answer to your question, it took some time to undo most of it. I had to finish growing up once out of what was supposed to be “home”. I had live in situations, made mistakes along the way, but took a cue from the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”. I didn’t get married until I was almost 40. I married my best friend, we’re still married after 20 years, and she’s still my best friend. I told you I would not have kids and I did not. However, I have given several pets a forever home. One of which was to be euthanized the day after we adopted him. So in a way, I made the home that you describe. I have even worked through most all of my dark memories. However, the one thing that I haven’t bee able to work through is the lack of things from when I was little:
1.) living without the simple things like love and family
2.) not measuring up to get parental approval
3.) wondering if maybe I was a love child
I know that this is all in the past and should just let it go. But it left a huge hole. Sometimes I just feel like a dreary broom trying to sweep up the broken pieces of yesterday.
Phil