Dear Anita,

You got it right, but i conciser this as just a step, it is just my first name! Yes there is much freedom, not feeling shame, and there is more freedom when you feel that you do not have to cover-up any more, not having any thing to lose, by making my self known, you do not feel the tie of cover-up, the fear of being know, and i just cannot be afraid any more.

I loved children very much, and they feel my love and love me back, i just can be a friend with any child of any age in just 20 min, you just give him his freedom, when he wants to come to you, you let him and when he wants to go away you let him, and you notice and acknowledge them, you do not suffocate them, I have this friend whose sun plays a game with his sister where he acts he is me, I just wish he would not be me!

I sometimes wonder why children would love a person like me, so damaged inside, may be they feel it, may be they see the strength of someone and how much he had suffered, specially toddlers, there eye expressions are wonderful, their eye messages are very meaningful.
I can say i have some knowledge in reading other persons from their eyes, your eye can never lie, when you are happy it shows, when you are sad it shows, when you are lying it shows. I have read about it a lot too!

I just could not comment on your third paragraph, this is too much for me!

I know how much the effort needed, to change someone, only one thing about someone, but it is doable, I guess you just have to differentiate between the ones who are totally blind, and do not waste your effort with them, and the ones who are struggling and need some one to show them the path to light, it is to bright for them to step out, and need someone to hold their hands when they have to close their eyes. and i know someone who just did this with me, who showed me the light, who held my hand when i just closed my eyes because it was hurting in the light, it was not easy for her, it was not easy on me, but we got it some how, her name is Anita! 🙂

I will keep posting on this thread, I wish i just someday could do more than this, to write my story with my full name on it, and with my best picture above it. with out those who i read their story on hear, and seen through their eyes and knowing their names cave me an endless amount of hope. I wish i could share my story someday, there are much to learn from, I did, learn to be that compassionate person who every body cherish regardless of his failures, who every body just wishes to help, regardless of he is being disappointing.

I really sometimes wonder why people would love to share there time with someone like me, but i guess they see in me something that i couldn’t have ever seen, even in the mirror. enjoy this encouraged an yet discouraged post 🙂

And by they way, I will just keep signing in with my alias, and signing my real name at the end, something like a reminder for my self, how i did accomplish it. it might someday encourage some one to step into the light.

one last question and I will leave you alone, did you watch Brené Brown ted talks, this women is just amazing! I will keep on following her work.

Love, Ziad,