Well, my father was the person I was closest too but talking about emotions was always something really hard. Same with my siblings.
I feel like what I was shut out of what I needed most and understood best in my life: emotions. Maybe I partially did that to myself as I was always there for others, I have always been very supportive but always shut myself out as I was ashamed and scared of opening up to anyone.

The thing I am wondering is why my last relationship lasted so shortly, we did like each other very much but I know my mental health issues put a lot of pressure on both of us, not that I am the only one responsible in the situation.

I sometimes feel like I am searching for the impossible, ie emotional support from my mother.
Although I do realize two of my friends have always been very supportive although they have mental health issues or their family members have.

The reason why I am saying everyone focuses so much on my family history is that I feel like I’ve been able to detangle everything and finally have realized what was dragging me down, at least I have understood it better than any of my relatives. I do love my family but they are very overwhelming and do no have a balance between friends, family, job etc. They all live close to each other and are not able to see the bigger picture. I am tired of being suffocated by my family and I want to move on from so many years of “oppression”, although they did take care of us and I grew up with most of my cousins. I just feel like I share very little values with most of my uncles and aunts, my cousins but the one I was raised with. And even them do not make much effort to make contact with me.