I believe you are very right about this. The part where I would feel right if everyone was never occurred to me. Especially that I am still doing that, I am supporting my father at the moment. Not that it is a bad thing but I really need to focus on myself and I keep deviating from that. I guess that if I were better really, I would not feel other people’s need of my support would not be a burden.

Furthermore, I believe you are right when saying that is what makes me feel safe, or at least gives me the illusion that I am safe. I used to be scared that if I did not look after other people, I would loose them, they would abandon me, that I know goes back to losing my mother. And I think I can finally make the link between the feeling I have when being anxious and my family: emptyness makes me anxious, like crossing a bridge for instance, not looking down but up. I am scared of flying away (it sounds very funny when said out loud), I “can” feel the whole universe around me, its immensity and my insignificance.
I have to learn that I have power over my own happiness, and that it is meaningful. Whatsoever I need to remind myself that I love myself, as when I am on a bridge for instance, I guess it’s quite of a metaphor of evolving in life, of going from one stage to another. (When I have a panick attack, I imagine that my mother is holding in my hand)
I feel like I do need to dig a bit deeper about that feeling of anxiety though.

Tell me what you think,

and thank you again !