Thank you all for your wise words.
Anita, my mom is alive and very tough woman. I love her a lot as she has been my mom and friend for a while. She is very loving but she also has a strong sense of “showing off” to others. I am treated very much like a trophy child. I often wonder if she would like me if I was less than perfect. She is very much in love with my middle sister though who was the youngest child for 9 years before I came along. Nothing my sister could do would deter my mother from loving her from being lazy to having boyfriends from different cast who didn’t graduate high school. She complains about her but also loves her a lot.

As far as for the boyfriend, we talked about the parks. I do like that we are good friends so I can tell him my crazy thoughts. He said, he has been planing on going on a hike with me but doesn’t want to go when its so cold that we can’t even hold hands. he said, he can play in the cold weather cause he running. He gets so hot when he playing soccer that sometimes he has to take his shirt off. Fair enough. I don’t what will happen to him and I but I do need to let go of looking for “unconditional love”. I think my love for myself is the best I can do! or any of us can do for that matter!
namaste