Dear carmennathalia:

You having frequent suicidal thoughts indicate to me that you are in a poor mental health at the moment, living with your parents in your hometown. I would think that moving elsewhere, away from your hometown and away from your parents will be a good choice for you. You wrote that you want to do just that.

You did not have a good experience in your last job and are not looking forward to another job where you won’t get to do your stuff: writing, producing music, painting etc.

But living with your parents in your home town, you don’t have the inspiration to do your own stuff even though you have the time.

Logic guides me to think that your first priority would be to live on your own, away from your home town. Maybe someplace where there are more young people like you, not conservative and judgmental, a bigger city perhaps. If I was you I would look for a job in such a city/ fitting place for you and move there, with roommates or on your own.

Try to find a job without those things you disliked the most in your old job, an improvement on the old job.

Once you are settled in a better place for you, having a job better somewhat than the old one, over time you can find a job that is even better or otherwise advance in your career and along the way incorporate your stuff: writing, music, etc.

What do you think?

anita