I’m finding myself repeating the statement “I know this is for the best”. My insides ache for him to appear and admit all of his personality flaws and fix this. But that is neither realistic or for the best. The other side of me wants him to know that he needs to stay away. Our last contact was Sunday night via text message when I told him it was really over and not to contact me.

I’m left with thinking of my life in a whole new way. I thought we would be moving from Texas to New York so I turned down job offers here (regret) and am in a job I love, but now without the possibility of dual income, I am in a financial pickle. I have debt from traveling to visit him. I feel like my life needs a jump start and if he shows back up I’m going to backtrack and start this process again.

Tonight will be the first night I am alone as my children spend Tuesday nights at their father’s house. I am full of anxiety and dread.