Hi Anita,

I agree with you on attending some of my family issues, as it’s been quite the turbulent year for us. The family issues I was referring to in my May 29th post was the aftermath of finding out that my father was having an affair and had moved out of the home we all shared. I found it hard at the time as my father and I were very close and I felt abandoned by him. I was under a lot of stress at the time, not only to be there for my mother and adjust to our new life both emotionally and financially, but also keeping up appearances in my unhealthy relationship. His family struggles at that time were his uncle being diagnosed at the time with cancer (thankfully he overcame this months down the line and is OK now). I felt at the time I was there for my partner in many ways emotionally that he could not be for me during my father leaving. This would often lead to conflicts between us hence the May 29th post.

The argument with my aunt has surfaced recently, though I would say is connected to my fathers affair. When he left I was there for my mother but had my own things to deal with at the time such as finishing university, graduating and finding a new job. Thankfully I somehow managed to achieve all of that throughout the 7 months that followed. However, recently my aunt feels as though I should be doing more for my mother when I feel I do/have done enough. She feels the need to air this to my mother and not directly to me. She does not understand my life and what I am going through and it hurt a lot to hear her say that I was a bad daughter. What she fails to realise is that financially I can’t afford to do anymore for her right now (I’ve recently had to switch jobs to something that was more stable for me than the previous) and I need my own space from her to create my own life after the chaos of this past year. After all how am I meant to heal from it if I’m focused on everyone else? After hearing from my mother that my aunt had continued not once, but this would be the third time to bad mouth me to her on the phone I decided enough was enough and confronted her about it. This unfortunately landed on the day of the news that my uncle had passed, therefore my emotions were running sky high. At that point I was done with all the nonsense that was in my life (and would follow suit 9 hours later by also breaking up with my partner). I confronted her and she could not empathise or understand where I was coming from which was frustrating. We went back and forth for over an hour and I finally gave up trying. She is my aunt and I’ve not once nor would I ever make up assumptions about the way she chooses to live her life as it’s none of my business.

Apologies for the length in post but that felt really good to write out.