Dear annema:

It is okay with me that you are back here with the feelings you expressed above. You can whine here, on this thread as often and as many times as you want.

Your feelings are expected. It would have surprised me very much if you didn’t have these feelings.

There are two things here: annema as a mother and annema as a woman. As a mother, you had that talk you told me about with your son. He looks up to you, and you want to make sure, that unlike your ex boyfriend, you keep your word and follow through with what you tell him. So as a mother, you must consider the well being of your children before you react to these feelings.

As far as you as a woman, I understand your loving feelings. You attached the idea of your boyfriend in your brain to a feeling of security. The thought of combining incomes meant a lot to you. And otherwise, the concepts of Him and Safety got together in your thinking and feeling. Literally such connection between the two concepts was made in your brain (as in the connection between cake and pleasure, so when you see cake you automatically think of pleasure).

Not all the connections made in our brain are true to reality: lots are not. Back to my cake example: lots and lots of people connect cake and pleasure, even diabetics whose lives will be in danger if they eat that cake.

So, let’s say a diabetic sees cake and thinks of the pleasure (one connection). Hopefully, there is the other connection that will be stronger: cake and death.

So, do notice your connection of him and safety but look at other connections you already made: him and the misery you experienced, the disappointments. See the “whole picture” – not just one corner of the picture.

And do post anytime.

anita