Dear idonno:

I am so impressed with your performance last night! My goodness, you said all the right things and did all the right things, removing your wedding ring was an excellent move.

And it worked: “her demeanor became much more relaxed. We talked about a lot of things and made great connection.”

She has to be relaxed in order to re-connect with you and she will not be relaxed unless you are willing and acting to make the divorce happen, not going back on your word of last night, but proceeding with it to its final point.

Please note my belief here: there may be no reconciliation between the two of you. This marriage is likely to end legally and not be re-established. If there is a chance for reconciliation it can only be IF you proceed with the divorce to its final point.

If you stall the divorce, go back on your word and on your symbolic act of removing your wedding ring, you will void that little chance.

She has been afraid of your anger for a long time. Maybe she feels guilty for hurting you. But neither one of those things: fear of your anger and guilt for hurting you will make her love you. The only possibility that she will love you is if she continues to be relaxed with you, trusting you to follow through with the divorce.

Please keep your daughter’s well being as your top priority in the settling of the divorce, make it fair and equitable for you. I like your assertion regarding her advice/ direction about where you should live. Keep being assertive with her. Avoid telling her that you are hurt, avoid it like the plague- it will work against you. Remain calm.

Again, I am so impressed by how you conducted yourself! Please do post again and again.

anita