Dear Janine:

You wrote that you became a child not easy to deal with. I want to explain to you my view of Cause and Effect. You being difficult to deal with is the Effect, not the Cause. The Cause is: your parents mistreating you. The effect is: the behaviors you developed as a result of being abused by your parents.

Please notice I used the word abused. You were and are abused by your parents, both of them. And as a result of this abuse, you are suffering. Your suffering is none of your fault, none of your responsibility and all your parents’ fault and their responsibility.

Unfortunately, although they are fully responsible for your troubles in thinking, feeling and behaving, they will not correct the damage they already caused you. The solution is not in reaching out or waiting for your parents to fix you.

Your parents are the Problem, not the Solution.

I strongly believe you will need to live away from that house, away from your abusive mother and father and attend psychotherapy with a competent, caring psychotherapist so to heal from the damage caused by your parents.

I know you doubt your thoughts and your feelings, being confused about cause and effect, believing wrongly, often enough, that you are the problem, from birth or soon after, a bad child. Sometimes you see the truth, as part of you knows the truth but often enough another part of you believes you caused this. In psychotherapy, if it is competent therapy, your thinking will become clearer and clearer over time until you see the truth and believe in it, consistently: “Oh, I see”- you will tell yourself; “oh, I see now: I am good. I was always good. There is nothing wrong with me after all!” And there will be great relief and lifting off a heavy burden that you are carrying.

Life can be good for you, outside that place where you live, following a difficult but totally worth is healing process. Please do post here anytime and I will respond to you every time, for as long as you are willing.

anita