Dear xenopustex:

As to your last question, my answer is No, I don’t think people today are not after a stable long term relationship and only looking for the next hookup. Some do but no. This seems to be what your analytical thinking is suggesting to explain your experiences with women when you suggested dating. I believe your answer is too limited to be true. The real answer is a way bigger picture of what is true.

There is a whole lot to emotional intelligence- our emotions carry messages, information we need to incorporate into our analytical thinking so to make better choices for ourselves. It is not analytical thinking OR emotions. It is both. To be wise, to live the best life we can live, we need both. Before we were humans, evolutionary speaking, we were animals with no logic. Animals “choose” by instincts and emotions, not by thinking (not having a language, words, would limit thinking). And that had worked for animals who survived generation after generation. Afraid? Run. Angry? Fight. Hungry? Search for food. Etc.

So as humans, if we ignore our origin, ignore the instincts and emotions/ sensations of the body, then we ignore a resource of information that is not only available for us but it is crucial for us to use it.

As far as applying emotional intelligence to your relationships, or attempts at relationships, we can look into it. That would mean that I would ask you a bunch of questions. If you are willing we can go that route. You can also think yourself, at this point, think back to the woman who acted offended when you suggested dating and try to understand the situation from angles you didn’t use before.

anita