I know deep down I still want to connect with my ex,but no matter what I shouldnt because I haven’t fully recovered.

Check this points you mentioned, Chau.

We all want something out of life. What we focus on is what leads us to do the things we should or shouldn’t do, and make decisions based on what we want out of life. When was a time when you really focused on something, where you set your mind into full throttle mode and did everything you could with every minute you had to get what you want?

We’re all driven by something emotional, that’s why avoiding contact with her, maybe deleting her off your phone, or uninstalling your Whatsapp won’t help. Because you’re still driven emotionally towards her. The question is why? What is it that you want out of this? Is it the love and affection this person once gave to you? That attention she had for you? It could be that all this LOVE she has given you before is what makes you feel so guilty.

I am left with guilt of not treating her right, the scar of the betrayal of the two close person, as well as the anger that I have when she left me.

It’s great you recognize these emotions. Knowing what you’re feeling, being able to label your emotions and what you’re thinking about is a strong start. My advice is to take it a step further and track all your thoughts and feelings in a journal, asking yours why and what you’re doing.

Your thoughts and emotions are jumbled up. When you start marking down and calling out what they are, they begin to make more sense, and you’re able to really dig down to what you’re doing. From there, you can choose how you should behave and what your next steps are.