Dear Sean:

Glad you started a thread. Just before reading your posts here, I read your reply on another thread where you wrote about the mother of your child, a mother of two total: “I have observed her as a parent many times. She has hit her daughter, said horrible nasty things to her. She can be short with our son even though he is 3… Are either of us right or wrong? No, just different methods I guess.”

Your last sentence indicates a misunderstanding on your part, a very significant misunderstanding. Her behavior toward her two children is not “just a different” method of parenting, it is ABUSE. She is actively, currently abusing, seriously damaging both her daughter and your shared son.

I read your post above. You wrote: “all I can do is .. try to be the best Dad possible to him He’s worth any effort.”

Do you understand that your son has been seriously damaged and is being damaged currently by that woman?

No matter how much time you manage to spend with him, for as long as he is living with her, for as long as he is spending unsupervised time with her, he will continue to be damaged. You can’t undo this damage no matter how loving you will be with him. At best, you can put a bandage over his big, gaping wound and that will hold until the next time she removes that bandage and stabs him again, figuratively (I hope) in the same place.

I suppose you love this woman very much, my goodness. You love a woman who is actively destroying two children. I am trying to wrap my mind around it. How can it be, I ask myself. How can you bring yourself to (if getting the chance again) to make love to her. I don’t know. You read like such a nice guy, but… how can you love evil? How can you support evil? Supporting evil is not what a truly nice guy does.

Maybe your blinders are so thick that you remove your awareness from this evil.

Rescue your son- and the daughter if you can- save them. If you believe your son is “worth any effort”- then save him. Remove him from her custody, legally or not, as soon as possible. That is the effort he is indeed worth of.

I wrote “evil”- I have no doubt that the woman suffered when she was a child, that she was born innocent, just like your son. But that was a long time ago, Sean. She is no longer innocent. She is no longer good. She has become a dangerous woman, intending to hurt children (and adults) and then proceeding to hurt them, repeatedly. And with no effort to correct her behavior. This is what I mean by evil.

anita