Hey,
I completely respect your choice to drink, however it has been the root to this stress and problem. personally i don’t drink and i’m fine with anyone that does. the intoxication that it has over you sounds pretty scary. These blackout stages leave you completely out of the drivers seat and as you’ve said you have to rely on people telling you if anything happened. this leaves you skeptical of whether you’ve done anything or not. i think a lot of people widely find it funny to ridicule people for getting drunk. i think this is horrible because when drunk, people sometimes don’t think or act as orderly as they would like to. although it is scary and stressful for you to piece together events (probably told differently from person to person) at the end of the day if you believe you wouldn’t kiss another person (also regarding that your relationship is very strong) that same strength of love would have made an impact on your decisions when drunk. what i’m saying here is that even when blacked out, you as a committed girlfriend would have still had the rationality in whatever situation to make the right choice. maybe in the future decide on something other than alcohol to enjoy a good time while also keeping track of your actions.