Dear Sean,

I see so much similarity there between your situation and mine. Although my husband never claimed I abused him, he would tell me things, like that I was bipolar or needed medication for mood swings. I actually wondered if I did! So I went into my therapist, who flat out laughed at me when I asked her. Basically, my husband was trying to convince me that because I was upset about something that he did, “I” was the one to blame and was crazy or having mood swings. But like you, I wanted to know if there was something that I could do differently, or ways that I could improve.

Now, my husband would go to therapy, but I used to call it holding court for him. He was very charming, and would actually lie to the therapist. Thankfully, they eventually saw through it. We would be walking in to a joint session (after he’d previously been in one solo) and he’d stop me in the parking lot to say something like “don’t bring up xyz because I told the therapist that I fixed it”. Something he hadn’t done. If I protested, I was a bad wife because I wasn’t supportive of him, and was trying to embarrass him.

And yet it’s amazing, how I could still feel so much guilt, like you do, over someone that treated me this way? It’s something I guess that is part of our journey in moving forward. I wish you luck!