Dear ameliau:

When I wrote to you my first post on this thread, that was before I re-read your December 2015 thread. This morning, I slowly re-read all your posts on that thread as well as your two posts on this thread and I now have a clearer vision about what is happening.

You wrote that you love him. I hope you do, that is, that you are FOR him and not AGAINST him. If you are for him, leave him alone. Keep this relationship in the past. Let him go so that he will have the opportunity to heal. He can’t heal from his depression for as long as he is in a relationship with you. Every time you reach out to him because you want to prevent him from hurting (” I am afraid that he would think that I just wanna get out of this relationship and not caring about him.”)- you are accomplishing the exact opposite: you are hurting him.

He doesn’t trust you for not cheating on him in the future and if I was him, I wouldn’t trust you either. You keep bringing up the point that he hit you first as an excuse for cheating on him. And although him hitting you that one time is unacceptable, it is also not the reason why you cheated him. And so I agree with you, that you should be single and heal, heal from the reasons why it has been your pattern, your tendency in the relationship with him and with men before him, to look for comfort in the arms of men outside your relationships.

I strongly believe it will take way too much work for the two of you to heal while in a relationship with each other (in therapy for you and him, individually and as a couple). It will be way more doable for the two of you to heal individually outside this relationship, after it is ended for good, and having no plans to re-unite. Let it die.

anita