Dear Xenopustex:

I re-read your posts and this is my understanding, developing as I type: you grew up mostly with your grandparents. You observed family dynamics early on, dynamics that turned off your motivation to interact with people on a personal level. Your father died some years ago and in 2014 your mother moved to your house, temporarily but still there and no end to the arrangement in sight.

I am thinking those Family Dynamics that you observed, was part of at an early age and onward, turned you off to human dynamics outside the family. In those dynamics empathy was a disadvantage; the empathetic person got hurt, and the aggressive person, “the hammer”, won. So as you grew up you had a choice between the two and you understandably chose to be the one not getting hurt, the hammer, that is.

As a hammer you stuck to the rational and to being aggressive. When you had that date with the woman and suggested dating her, and she reacted as if you wanted to have sex with her right there and then, it could have been that your aggressive vibrations lead her to believe that. I keep coming back to the hammer metaphor that you used. If on that date you were the hammer, then she felt like the nail that didn’t want to be hit by a hammer.

It is a shame you wrote there is no therapy available where you live. It may be a reason to leave and live elsewhere. Also, a good reason for your distress is your mother, not only since 2014 when she moved in with you but way before that, when you were a child. I am supposing you are afraid to confront her, to tell her to move out. It is with her that you need to be a hammer, tell her you need her out of your house.

I don’t see how you can bring back the empathy you put behind you all by yourself. It takes help, someone to help you, someone you trust. If you’d like, please post more about those family dynamics that affected you so deeply. I will respond every time you post.

anita