Hi, afraid–rather than keep beating yourself up about your “drunk mistake” (can’t change the past), I think it might be a better use of your energy to get some help for the drinking problem. Blackouts are NOT normal. Whether you are small or not, it is NOT normal to drink to blackout–and it sounds as if you’ve pretty much convinced yourself that it IS normal, or at least not that big a deal.

I suspect this may not be your first go-round with trying to control your alcohol intake via “missing rounds” and so on. From where I stand, this looks like alcoholism, or at the very least, alcoholism in the making.

You can easily find more info about alcoholism on line, and I hope you do look into it. Getting help now will save you a lifetime of pain and regrets.

My wishes for strength and clarity.