Dear Cody:

When you wonder what the young woman and her mother thinks about you; what anyone thinks about you, you are really wondering if they think what you are already thinking, if they … discovered and are aligned with your own thinking. And your own thinking about you is not flattering, to say the least. Here is a bit of what you think of you as typed into this very post: “a jackass…dumb…hopeless turd… how terrible I am with (Tinder)…I’m such a freak!… whiny man-boy.”

As long as this is what you think about you, you will be wondering when others will figure out that these things are who you are. You keep appearances on Facebook, but this is not a good idea, it is not working for you. Hiding your own thinking about who you are is hopeless because as long as you are alive you will be thinking.

What to do?

Give up appearances, you are not fooling yourself. Acknowledge and accept that you think of yourself what it is that you are thinking. Then, acknowledge that part of you is fighting these thoughts, part of you disagrees. This very conflict is exhausting.

A Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) way of going about this conflict is to take these thoughts to court. You present a thought and then defend it (like a defense attorney would in court) and prosecute it (like a prosecutor would in court). It is about a rational, scientific approach to thoughts. A whole lots and lots of what people think is scientifically and objectively untrue. We think these thoughts are true because they feel true and we have “evidence”- well the evidence should be examined in court to determine if it is valid evidence.

You think you are faulty and as a result of your faultiness, being inadequate, less than others, as a result of this women rejected you. This would be a thought to take to court. Would you like to open court, here with me? Best of course is to attend CBT with a competent, caring therapist. I am not a professional of any kind. Still, if you find it potentially valuable, let’s go to court.

anita