Hi there. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your MIL sounds exactly like mine, so I understand exactly how you are feeling. Wish I could tell you things will get better, but it is very unlikely. This woman is abusing you on purpose. She knows exactly what she is doing. Most likely it comes from deep rooted insecurity and a narcissistic personality.

I’ve been through 8 years of this myself. I knew that my MIL was trying to hurt me on purpose and she succeeded on many occasions. I didn’t want to say anything because because I didn’t want to rock the boat and cause trouble. On the odd occasion that I did say something She would just use it to play the victim. I realize that there was no conversation or understanding that could be reached with her because she didn’t want to have a relationship with me. Everything I tried to do was in vain. I’m constantly amazed at just how horrible she could be.

My husband didn’t want to deal with the situation for a long time…he just made excuses for her behavior, until one day her behavior was so bad even he couldn’t ignore it. I refused to see her for a long time, and my husband severely reduced his contact with her too. I allowed him to take our son to visit with her, but I only did this grudgingly. I do see her again now and then, but the dynamic has changed and she knows that she no longer has the power over me that she used to. A big reason for this is that my husband really stepped up and made it clear that me and our child are his priority. This has been a very difficult process for him as she really puts him through the grinder if he tries to stand up for himself. i don’t think I could have stayed in the marriage if he had not done this.

Is there any chance your boyfriend will do the same for you? It is the only scenario in which you may be able to maintain a basic acquaintance with her. Understand this, she will never change. Even if she starts to be nice, don’t buy into it. People like this are truly toxic and only waiting to lull you into a false sense of security before going for the jugular again. You have to find a way to protect yourself from her. Start by seeing her for what she truly is, and giving yourself permission to protect yourself from her.

You say that you don’t want to say anything to your boyfriend, but maybe it’s time to sit him down and explain how devastating his mother’s behavior is to you, and how much it is impacting you. Don’t be accusatory, stay calm and approach him in a living manner. If you feel the need to cry when talking to him, let the tears come, let him see how hurt you really are. Tell him that you love him and have tried for a long time to protect him but now you need his help. You might be surprised by the reaction you get. He might know deep inside what us happening isn’t right, but just doesn’t want to deal with it. On the other hand, he might just shut down and refuse to understand. Be prepared for this if you do choose to talk to him. If that happens, there is not much you can do. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

Your priority has to be to protect yourself.

I truly hope that things improve for you. You sound like such a sweet person. I’m sorry that you don’t have your own mom’s support, but know that there are women everywhere who understand and are rooting for you.