Maybe. It is a combination of intense depression, loneliness, and anxiety. Just feel so stupid for my approach to things at times. A lot of anxiety about the future: will changes actually mean anything; does believing in a potentially better future make it more likely; etc.

Put time in on introspection, etc., over the weekend and wondering if the pain, tears, and anxiety were really worth it, especially when looking at all of the other obligations piling up at work.

Find myself asking, even professionally, will changes make a difference?

Display such an image of crassness and hostility at times that I don’t think people can see anything but that. I get lied to so often in work, etc., that I wind up being cynical to just about everybody. Also tend to be aggressive in handling things. Lots of opportunities lost with that combination.

Struggling with visualizing a better outcome so to speak. Can’t seem to get to the point of even hinting at a soft-side in a relationship. Maybe I just don’t know how at this point. Though industriousness, loyalty, and fidelity don’t seem to be that saleable.